On Geeking Your New Baby

Let’s be honest. It’s not really as if our soon-to-be born child will have much of a chance to be anything other than a massive geek. Her tastes may run counter to ours in some ways, but she has virtually no chance to get out of our house without being inclined towards something innately dorky - science fiction or fantasy literature, elaborate and complex board games, dwarf tossing, etc. She will almost certainly go to college quoting Star Wars, Monty Python, and/or Firefly. I’m more than okay with that.

And none of this precludes the possibility that our daughter (or any subsequent children) may have talents that lie in territory not exclusively belonging to geek culture. I doubt we will raise up a future University of South Carolina Quarterback (I wouldn’t tolerate the arrest record, for one) but I can’t rule out the possibility altogether. Maybe music will be more their game. One can be a music geek, but can also be musically talented without being geeky about it. At least in theory. Most of the talented musicians I know are geeks. But I digress....

Regardless of where life takes our children, we, like any good parents, want to give them every advantage. That means geeking them, early and often.

“Geeking” a baby is just “geeking out” or expressing your geek tendencies in an outward fashion, specifically directed at and expressed upon a target: your child. Before your child is old enough to have and express preferences on clothing, television, toys, food, pop culture, and political ideologies all of these things are left to you. By geeking your baby, you can influence those future preferences. Be warned that the influence may not always manifest in the way desired or expected. Backfires have been known to occur. Minor example - my sister and I had polar opposite reactions to constant childhood exposure to Jimmy Buffett. While recognizing that many infinitely more talented musicians will never catch a break, I happen to enjoy Jimmy Buffett in almost any context. On the other hand, until fairly recently my sister entered into drooling convulsions anytime she heard the opening chords to “Come Monday.”

In retrospect, that might have actually been a positive reaction. But I digress again...

Anyway, despite the risks of backfire, if you can’t have a little fun at your new child’s expense, or at least with their assistance, what is the point of parenthood?

“So,” you ask, “how does one ‘geek’ their baby?”
I respond, “I’m glad you asked.”
You return, “So tell me already.”
I reply, “I will.”
You say, “okay.”
And we move on….

Clothing
Perhaps the easiest way to geek your baby is in your approach to dressing them. There is virtually no limit to the inappropriate, novel, and incredibly geeky items you can buy for your kid. Take, for instance, these Star Trek onesies from Thinkgeek.


Nice, right? I hope the red one says “please keep an eye on me” on the back. Look hard enough and you can probably find similar items for the science fiction/fantasy tale of your choice. The interwebs are full of strange and wonderful things for babies like Yoda-ear knit caps, vampire teeth pacifiers, and baby Cthulu hooded towels. Well, I haven’t actually seen that last one, but if it doesn’t exist already, somebody should make it. In any event, dressing your infant appropriately (or inappropriately as the case may be) can make them a living, breathing billboard to your own person fanboy or fangirl tendencies. But there is no real reason to spend lots of money on clothing your baby in geek garb. One of the best ideas we encountered in the myriad baby showers that were thrown for us (our friends and family are awesome, by the way) is the concept of a “onesie station” where guests decorate plain onesies with personalized messages or art. Your kid will need lots of onesies (or “creepers” if you prefer that term, though why you would I don’t know). Based on advice from older parents, having a stockpile of relatively plain onesies for layered garments, emergencies, and for days you’re just not out to impress anyone with your infant-related fashion sense is a good idea. Packs of these plain onesies go for about what a single elaborate onesie can cost. If those relatively plain onesies happen to get decorated by your incredibly geeky, fabric-marker loving friends, that’s just all the better.

Undoubtedly, you will end up with some sappy and sentimen–I mean, beautiful and caring messages on some of your onesies if you do something like this. But if your friends are like you, you’ll probably have some success on the geek front as well. Our showers resulted in some gems that included an original rendition of Trogdor that was quite good, a reference to the whole “a dingo ate my baby” scenario of the eighties, and a onesie declaring my daughter to be “daddy’s little tax deduction.” Damn right. Sure, they may not be professional print quality items, and yes, they almost certainly will violate some copyright laws somewhere, but there’s something uber-geeky about homespun (home-decorated, at least) geek-baby clothing. I approve.

This does not even address the subject of Halloween costumes for infants and all the geek-splendor that can result. It’s really just too easy to go crazy there, but I’ll touch upon kids and costumes in a little while.

Reading Material

For the first few months of your child’s life, it doesn’t much matter what you read to them. Mostly they are just absorbing your voice, and the simple rhythms of language itself. The whole issue of “attention span” is kind of a moot point. Why not take advantage of this fact and read something you enjoy to the baby? On my read aloud to-do list: The Hobbit, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, and possibly the Dresden Files and Dark Tower (maybe with some creative editing and skipped chapters). It could just as easily be Tolstoy or Melville, but if I can’t stand to read it why would I subject the baby to it? Some of these can be cycled back through as kids get a little older and have the attention span to follow chapter books. Others (Dresden and Dark Tower, for example) will probably go back on the shelf until at least adolescence. But, you might as well get them accustomed to the universes geeks play in early.

Fortunately, it’s not all on you once you get your children to the point of basic literacy. There’s plenty of books for children of all ages that can indoctrinate them just as well as you can. Take a look at this....

If Star Wars isn't your bag, you can rest assured that similar board books exist for whatever your interests... or the interest you want to encourage in your kid. Personally, I kind of like the idea of teaching our kids that E is for Ewok and S is for Stormtroopers.



Socializing

If you aren’t going to be those parents who closet themselves off from the universe when your first kid is born, then inevitably your kid is going to get packed off to one or more social gathering, concert, monster truck rally, or other event which piques the interest of you or your spouse. Since you and/or your spouse can be assumed to be in some sense a geek by virtue of the fact that you are still reading this post on this blog, these interest will run similar to those I have written about previously (see my post on Growing your Inner Geek).

Realistically, midnight movies are probably not going to happen for you for at least a while after a baby is born, unless you have an awesome and incredibly understanding babysitter. In any case, taking your baby along is a bad idea. Seriously – if I find that awesome babysitter, I don’t want your kid crying through the movie. Please don’t do it. But there are other events your baby can tag along to, and possibly even participate in.

If you happen to be in to table-top role playing, make your player character (PC) a parent and use your baby as a prop to help you get into your character. Or assign the baby to play some of the less interactive Non-player characters (NPCs). Some bartenders just grunt, so there’s a place to start them. Whatever you do, don’t let the baby hold your dice. Nobody likes to pause combat for the Heimlich maneuver.

If you are headed to a Con, take your baby along. You will probably have better luck getting pictures with geek icons like Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion if you ask them to take a picture with your cute kid, and those are memories that will last a lifetime. For you… the kid will have the pictures at least. You’ll probably have an even better time if you go in costume, and incorporate the baby in the theme. There are some easy ways to go about this – Batman and Robin, or any superhero with a sidekick is an obvious choice. Han and Chewy, Kirk and Spock, Aragorn and one of the hobbits (hehe... that’s just funny, I don’t care who you are), are a few other ideas. But you could get obscure, as Con-going geeks are wont to do. Don medieval armor and a sword, and wear the baby in a backpack/carrier, and you’re Michael Carpenter! (For those of you unfamiliar with Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files, Michael Carpenter is a Knight of the Cross – a modern day paladin who slays evil with a sword that may be Excalibur. He’s also a good Catholic, and always has babies in his house. …Admittedly, it loses something when you have to explain so much.)

Those are just a few things that come to mind. How else can you geek your baby?